To carry on from my last blog…I want to discuss the many things that come with the world of Netball.
If you’re lucky to be in a netball club affiliated with a football club you will be fully aware of the menu that comes with these memberships. I myself only really go to game days for the schnitzel rolls. In fact now I think about it the only time I venture out of my vehicle is to use the ladies or to line up for that roll. It’s an exciting moment when you finally reach the front of line and the still size 10 footy mum/canteen lady asks you what you want ‘Schnitzel roll, with gravy and chips’ you say whilst watching Mrs Smith-Clark-Wilson assemble your heartburn delight. You stand on your tipy toes eyeing off the gravy ladle wishing, hoping for a double dousing of liquid gold. After handing over your cash you without fail compare the amount of gravy your best mate got on his schnitta roll, concluding that you were both ‘jipped’ and begin the slow decent back to the commy. By the time you get in the car, most of your chips are gone and the ones that are left are immediately devoured by mates vultures sitting in the backseat. The sad part about this experience is that by the time you wrap your fat gob around the roll itself, you can’t even taste the deepfried chicken breast in all its glory due to previously burning the fuck out of all your tastebuds after impatiently eating all your chips. Still…I’ve found that football isn’t really football without one of these suckers…I mean why else would you go…to actually watch?!?!
Yesterday I had the pleasure of watching my younger sister’s game. After donning the appropriate attire (see Part I) I waltzed up to the side of the court and spent the remainder of the game glaring at stinky 5 year olds who had a delicious looking packet of crispy m&m’s (Where were my m&m’s?). I started to observe a few things about country netball..
Observation 1: You are never to fat for netball
Unlike ballet, where once you have outgrown your leotard thats it walk away my friend….netball uniforms seem to come in an infinity number of sizes. This is probably due to the fact that many of the women playing in them are actually the size of a small house. Being a bigger girl myself, I applaud the women that squeeze themselves into their multicolored fun suits weekly…but SERIOUSLY I think they tend to forget that what they are wearing is a watered down version of a cocktail dress. I often curiously wonder whether these women are comfortable putting on these suits that usually ride up their asses so bad that most spectators get to see whether the grass really is greener on the other side. I mean usually their wardrobes comprise of happy pants and oversized target tees (or is that just me hmmm), maybe I’m just jealous cause no tom dick or harry would catch me dead in material that accentuates stretch marks that don’t even exist on my body yet.
Observation 2: The umpires are usually fatter than the players.
Self-explanitory – ADVANTAGE CHICKEN WING-DEFENCE
Observation 3: The effortless hair look.
Look kiddies, I know that you want it to look like you have simply ‘chucked’ your hair up in the car on the way to the game….PUHLEASE give me a break…. we all know you secretly crawled out of bed 2 hours before game time just to perfect your messy bun with ribbons to match. I guess those ‘random’ bits of hair hanging around your face do tend to juxtapose nicely with last nights touched up makeup though….i guess if it brings all the boys to the yard...
Observation 4: Knowing the netballing lingo is key to gaining a deeper understanding of the complex sport.
If you’re not familiar with terms such as
‘Up and in girls’
‘Slow your passes’
‘And, again, and again’
and many others.
You are just like Like me, and you might find your first couple of experiences in the netballing world bamboozling. But don’t worry, after a few games you will begin to feel comfortable with netty language and perhaps even feel the need to throw your own words of encouragement in...example..
‘I CAN SEE YOUR PUBES’
or similarly
‘YOUR BROTHERS YOUR SISTER’
'up and in'
Observation 5: DILFS
The funny thing about netball is that you would expect to mostly see women, funnily enough though their usually an abundance of middle-aged men (we will call them silver-foxes) watching their darling daughters executing a perfect pivot. It’s hard to believe that grown men can get emotional over a game such a netball, but believe me it happens. The point is.......thankgoodness for the Fathers who turn up every Saturday…without them…I really would have no reason to be their in the first place.
one of the regular netball dad's at my sister games...i just love this shot
HAHA! love!!!
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